By Cole Henry
SPEAKERS CIRCLE- After learning that the school serves eggs at breakfast, a young vegan activist by the name of Topher Hidentroff smashed an egg on his head, and stood in protest of the needless murder of “these sweet beautiful baby birdies.”
“Look, man, all you sheep need to open your eyes and understand that you are eating baby birds. These birds deserve to hatch, grow, and flap their big beautiful wings, soaring high and free. I am just out here doing my part! You see, every generation has a leader: Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., The Grateful Dead, Phish, and now I, Topher Hidentroff.”
Hidentroff seems to care very much about these baby birds yet he wears a smashed egg on his head in protest of cooked eggs.
“What are you accusing me of here? I love these birds, man! I took this smashed egg on my forehead on a spirit trip with me, and it said it would die for this cause. I am trying to show all you meat craving monsters the error of your ways. Yes, the egg is starting to smell bad on my head for I have been protesting for 3 days straight. I am dizzy. Help me.”