Uncrustable Causes Student to Attend Therapy

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by Elizabeth Quinn

COLUMBIA – During a brisk fall afternoon in the Student Center, MU student Kyle Kerkansas unpacked his lunch of an Uncrustable and leftover Gumby’s pizza.

“I didn’t see it coming,” Kerkansas said. “I hope that never happens to anyone ever again.”

The unpackaged Uncrustable revealed the betrayal of the beloved Smucker’s family – a crusted sandwich.

Kerkansas has never been a fan of crust. Ever since he was 5 years old, his mother would cut the crust off his sandwiches.

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“My mom told me to buy Uncrustables since she isn’t here to cut the crust off herself,” Kerkansas said. The student now spends his Wednesday afternoons in the counseling center talking to his therapist on ways to trust again.

“Kyle has come a long way from where we began,” Nancy Merryweather, Kerkansas’ therapist, said.

“Thankfully, he’s not buying frozen food anymore, but by the end of our sessions, I hope to see Kyle buying a loaf of bread to cut the crust off himself.”

Kerkansas is not the only student that has been betrayed by refrigerated food. According to the counseling center’s documents, there are at least 43 other reports of trust issues with chilled meals.

Student Melanie Newborn bought a package of frozen lasagna from Walmart. When she opened the package, she was shocked. There, sitting in the package, was a slice of wet, thawed, lasagna.

“I just don’t understand why the companies continue to lie to us,” Newborn said. “I paid a good $3 for this food. I don’t deserve this!”

 

Smucker’s has yet to comment.

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